Oppenheimer
Welcome to an alternate timeline where the historical events of the Oppenheimer movie play out in 2023 amidst our daily array of tech tools.
Prepare to get bombarded with high-quality sarcasm (or low-quality, as the case maybe) in this imaginative take on a few episodes from the movie.
Act 1: Preparing for Trinity Test on Slack
Oppenheimer and his team have embraced remote work to minimize cost and maximize efficiency. At least until it is time for the “Demo” aka Trinity Test. They gather on their favorite team collaboration tool, Slack, to prepare for the Trinity Test. But they do have a daily stand-up..err..Slack-up meeting.
Oppenheimer and his trusty team of bomb-making enthusiasts gather in a Slack channel fittingly titled #project_manhattan_lounge for this meeting where they usually keep everyone updated of their progress. Watching the back and forth on this channel is like observing a pure fission chain reaction, complete with emojis, gifs, and the occasional “/giphy explodo” for, you know, motivation.
As intense conversations about bomb schematics and top secret intellectual properties unfold in the cloud, a Slackbot (lovingly named <AtomBot>) chimes in every few hours with helpful reminders such as:
“Don’t forget, team, safety goggles are your BFFs when dealing with plutonium!”
and..
“Remember to drink water. Dehydration is unacceptable even when creating mass destruction.”
But time for all that playfulness is over. Because it is time now for the big demo.
Oppie (Oppenheimer): creates a new channel #trinity_test.
Col_Groves: Hey @oppie, what’s this about?
Oppie: Hey @col_groves! We’re just preparing for our demo. A successful atomic bomb test. 💣 Calling it Trinity Test.
Col_Groves: Got it. Like the name. 👍🏻
Oppie: Hey @team-trinity, final prep for the big test begins tomorrow. How’s everything coming along?
Teller: Yeah, I’m just tweaking the plutonium lens design. By the way, I’ve added a new task on Notion for those last minute checks. Make sure you guys check it off!
Fermi: Cool. Added a Jupyter Notebook to GitHub for the final calculations, don’t forget to review and merge before we start up. I don’t want any Git conflicts during the test.
Physicist 2: Just did @fermi. Have some questions about those calc. Will ping you in our private channel.
Oppie: (to Slackbot) Create an appointment with Col. Groves for a quick update before the Trinity Test.
Slackbot: Appointment with Col. Groves scheduled for 5 PM today.
5 PM
Oppie: creates new channel #apocalypse_now
Oppie: Colonel, we need to talk about the potential for a chain reaction. Can’t risk Pluto turning into an asteroid. 🤣
Col_Groves: Oppie, I’ve been hearing rumors about that so-called “chain reaction” that could wipe us all out. About time you enlightened me.
Oppie: (smirking) Time to come clean hun? Let me clarify that for you, Colonel.
(Sends a YouTube video link)
See that YouTube video I just sent. You see, that’s just a highly unlikely worst-case scenario. We’ve got everything under control.
Col_Groves: Hmm… You better have, or I’ll have you making TikTok videos to regain public trust in this project. 🕺 Not kidding!!
Oppie: Message received. I have a call with Einstein shortly. I will double check our calculations.
Col_Groves: Keep me updated.
Act 2: Oppenheimer’s Video Call with Einstein
As tensions around the potential chain reaction rise, even the brain behind Project Manhattan needs a word of reassurance. So he turns to the man who started it all, for some reassurance and pep talk. He sets up a Zoom call with his good buddy (and general genius) Albert “Rap God” Einstein who for some reason refuses to engage with anyone on FaceTime.
Oppenheimer busts out a Zoom call and as you’d expect, his background is a magnified image of the atomic structure of Plutonium.
Oppie: Hey, Albert. Just confirming — that E to the MC squared thing still holds up, right?
Einstein: (rolls eyes) Yes, Oppie. It still works. I haven’t suddenly made a groundbreaking discovery within the last 24 hours that changes the entire universe.
Oppie: I know. I know. By the way, Albert, you know we have a thing called a “Trinity Test” going on. Just a question. How likely is it that this could cause an uncontrollable chain reaction?
Einstein: Oppie, I appreciate your very casual approach to questions about the potential destruction of our planet. Take a look at my calculations on Notion and you’ll see that it’s highly unlikely. Phew!!
On-screen, the two geniuses unanimously decide not to worry because, really, what could possibly go wrong with splitting the atom?
Einstein: Before I hang up, so Oppie, how’s that job posting for nuclear physicists going?
Oppie: Oh, we’re just ZipRecruiting them. Apparently, the trick is to add “unlimited free snacks” to the description. Works wonders at getting scientist applications.
Einstein: <Chuckles> Incredible. I would apply if my job was not bending the space-time equations. <Chuckles more> Call me if you do not blow us up with that demo of yours. Bye!!
After his call with Einstein, Oppenheimer logs into Notion and confirms Einstein’s calculations and starts to feel a bit more confident. He smiles and sends a private message to Col. Groves that all is well.
Oppenheimer is also reassured by the fact that his team of physicists didn’t wait for a lightning bolt to strike to get their processes in sync.
Zapier is their trusty sidekick in this endeavor, connecting Slack, Hubspot, Notion, Jira, and Github with an effortless ease.
Oppie updates a task in Notion -> \Alarm\ goes off in Jira -> <EinsteinBot> drops in an inspiring quote on the Slach channel -> Team gets straight to work.
Now that’s a workflow!
Oppie: (on Slack channel #trinity_test) Team, thoughts on adding a Slackbot that can monitor our plutonium levels? Don't want things going kaput before the big day…💥
Fermi: Great idea. I will get on it.
Col. Groves: Has anyone started creating Jira tickets for the atomic bomb components? Time’s ticking, folks.
GithubBot: A new merge request was just submitted by @Oppie titled Add-function-to-implode-core-when-ready. Col. Groves, approved?
Col. Groves: Really dramatic @Oppie. Just make sure the build does NOT fail. Approved.
Oppie: A̶r̶e̶ y̶o̶u̶ u̶p̶ f̶o̶r̶ s̶o̶m̶e̶ f̶u̶s̶i̶o̶n̶ t̶o̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ @̶J̶e̶a̶n̶T̶a̶t̶l̶o̶c̶k̶ ?̶ 🤫💦 🤤
Physicist 1: ???
Oppie: Oops. Wrong channel. Ignore. Ignore.
Act 3: VC Funding for Project Manhattan
Oppie (on Slack channel #project_manhattan_lounge): On a really serious note, our project needs more funding. That’s assuming we all survive the Trinity Test. Since Pentagon is not going to give us more, Col. Groves, do you think we can go for a new round of VC fund? Project Manhattan could use some cash infusion.
Col_Groves: Not to worry, Oppie. I knew this day would come. Have already started working on HubSpot and Zapier to automate our contact with potential investors because who wants to manually send emails when you have atomic bombs on your plate?
Here is the email it will send out. Are you OK?
Subject: Disrupting the Nuclear Industry: Seeking Investment for Project Manhattan
Body: Dear [Insert VC Name], Our team of innovative, forward-thinking scientists is seeking Series A funding to bring a successfully tested product to fruition for Pentagon. A product that will fundamentally change the way nations collaborate and intimidate…
Oppie: @col_groves Please tell me you didn’t use GPT4 to draft this email. LOL. Looks good to me.
Col. Groves’ and Oppenheimer’s dream comes true when their Notion boards, brimming with ideas, tasks and slick pitches, catches the attention of Sequoia Capital, a huge VC fund. Meetings are set, where the Project Manhattan team impresses their VC reps using animated matplotlib charts and pandas dataframe, and the investment deal is sealed.
Project Manhattan can finally move forward with deep pockets beyond the Trinity Test.
@VC_Rep (appearing as an A.I. hologram): Great meeting you, Mr. Oppenheimer and Col. Groves. We loved the pitch. Can’t wait to see the final product and the devastation it causes. Please send over the wire details ASAP.
Oppie: (via Twitter, before it was rebranded as a pornographic name): We are excited to announce that we have secured Series A funding and Sequoia Capital has decided to back Project Manhattan with $250 million(?)..We think..hope..
Time to #disrupt the scientific community like never before.
Teller: (tweets) Finally! The recognition we all deserve. Let us hope we don’t spend it all on branded lab coats and Tesla Model Plutoniums.
The funding arrives.
But alas, there’s a catch!!
It is not as substantial as Oppenheimer had hoped, and they are forced to look elsewhere for additional funding.
Oppie (writing in Notion): Reminder that we all are supposed to be on-site from tomorrow. Here’s some bad news. Due to the lack of sufficient funding, after our demo, we might have to compromise on the vending machines in the launch site’s break room. Any other ideas?
Col_Groves (replying on Notion): Less snacks, more action. I like it! 🍟🍿👎🏻
Bohr: I don’t like it. To generate additional funds, I suggest we resort to selling vintage plutonium-infused coffee mugs on Etsy. What y’all think? Better than compromising on those vending machines.
Col_Groves: Brilliant, Mr. Bohr. Go for it!!
Feynman: And crowdsource some Uranium, perhaps? Like without revealing the details of the project, of course.
Col_Groves : 👎🏻 👎🏻 Let’s stick with mugs and selling stuff on Etsy.
The Final Countdown
T- 12 hours
As the Trinity test approaches, Oppenheimer’s team feverishly works to finalize their creation. GitHub and Jira are heating up with code check-ins, bug tickets, and a frantic push to meet the deadline. Col. Groves is busy approving and rejecting things on GitHub.
In the meantime, Oppenheimer realizes that he has forgotten to feed his team of busy scientists. So in a lazy attempt to save his team’s morale, he taps UberEats to cater some last-minute feast.
After all, a well-fed team is a productive team.
But can a well-fed Oppenheimer and his team dance with modern technology to bring order in this chaos? Or will they bring order AND chaos? Or just chaos? Or will they just bring more laughter to them than us?
Remember when the geeks and the tech bros laugh, the world trembles.
T-4 hours
Meantime, Oppie creates a new job listing on ZipRecruiter.
It reads:
“Searching for a risk-loving scientist ready to harness atomic power for something super fun. Will view applicants with practical experience in nuclear destruction.”
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Disclaimer: None of the tech applications used in the above medium post paid me to write this. This post is a work of fiction with a sprinkle of sarcasm. Enjoy!!
