On Happiness and Heartbreaks
Some days you are Roger Federer.
Some days you are Hubert Hurkacz.
Some days you are Virat Kohli.
Some days you are Kane Williamson.
Some days you are Saka.
Some days you are Chiellini.
And some days, what makes you one and not the other is too small for the eye to see but too big for the heart to feel.
That’s why for those sports fans who are rooting for either team or for either player, the margin doesn’t mean much.
It’s the result. It’s winning vs losing.
Do we feel the same emotional connection with musicians we follow or with other celebrities like we do with our sports teams or individual players? I will keep politics and elections out of the equation here because the emotional connections that one forms with political parties, political movements, politicians, leaders, social reformers, et al. are for completely different reasons, the layering runs deep, and are very complex to analyze.
Compared to sports fans, music and movie fans don’t connect on the same level. From wearing the same clothes as the players they idolize, there are many things that sports fans do that lend themselves to that deeper connection with what’s happening on the field than what happens at a movie premiere or a concert.
We all love positive emotions. So we all want our teams to win. That addiction to feel the rush when our team wins is real.
But for some fans, when our team wins or when the player we root for wins, it’s about even more. We have to share these positive feelings with other fans, or what’s the point? It’s the rush of the crowd at the stadium, the clinking of beer mugs at the pub, the piling in front of that one friend’s huge TV that makes the season memorable…or sharing one’s feelings on social media & indulge in friends’ reactions and comments online.
That high — It’s something else. Your team’s win results in such a rush of positive emotions in you.
But what happens when your team or your player loses?
Much like grieving, coping with a loss is real. It has stages.
There is denial, then there is anger, a bit of bargaining, followed by sadness or depression, and finally acceptance.
Denial is always first. “This cannot be true. How did this happen to my player or my team? We are a better team than this, we weren’t supposed to lose, this can’t be happening, etc. etc.”
And then, there is blaming, excusing, what-if thinking — Like “Hey we got some bad calls, the coach should have never benched xyzzy, we are a young team, he is past his prime anyways and making it thus far was a big deal, who else can we find as a scapegoat, etc. etc.”
Then there is the emotional stage — anger, depression, and sadness.
Finally, acceptance.
After a few hours or days of your team’s loss, you get up and move on. But still rooting for the same team and the same player. Because the more committed you are to your team or player, the more committed you are to easing your negative emotions. You want them to win somehow. Sooner or later. After all, like some addictions, over a period of time, the joy a win gives becomes weaker while the anguish a loss gives becomes stronger. Especially if you know that there is another sporting event coming up soon that will help you ease your negative emotions.
As I grow older, I find myself dealing with wins and losses much more rationally. The heartbreaks are painful but I get through those stages very quickly and get to the acceptance stage much faster than how I used to do as a teenager.
In the past month or so, on days when it mattered, I was Virat Kohli and not Kane Williamson. I was Roger Federer and not Hubert Hurkacz. I was Saka and not Chiellini.
Unlike the 15 year old, who refused to eat or talk to his parents for a good part of the day after his team lost, this older me is at least mature enough to tell himself that all it takes is a loosely scrubbed tiny semi-misjudged angle to feel the difference between complete euphoria and your world collapsing into million pieces — at least for one night.
I may or may not be mature enough to listen to myself, but at least I know that the results don’t always tell the full story of why I choose to follow some sports.
