How Old is Jimmy Anderson Really?
In the world of cricket, few questions have baffled fans and scientists alike as much as this one. James “Jimmy” Anderson, the ageless wonder of cricket and the English fast bowler has announced his imminent retirement. He will be seen playing his last test match this week against West Indies at the Lord’s beginning July 10, 2024.
But in a sport where stats reign supreme, one crucial number eludes us — how old, exactly, is Anderson?
We had no choice but to lean towards science for reliable methods in order to determine his age.
Radiocarbon Dating
To tackle this mystery, a few scientists have turned to an ancient technique — radiocarbon dating. By measuring the amount of carbon-14 in Anderson’s body, and accounting for its 5,730-year half-life, experts estimate his age within a modest 50 to 100 years.
Pros: Easily done with an accelerator mass spectrometer — a must-have for every cricket franchise’s shopping list, especially for franchises that play Rashid Khan.
Cons: Only effective up to 20,000 years. Is he older than that? Quite possibly.
Hubble’s Law
Next up, a method straight from the cosmos. If Anderson is moving (say, during his legendary run-up), we can measure the redshift of the light he emits. Combining this with his distance, Hubble’s Law can approximate his age to within a few hundred million years.
Pros: No upper limits.
Cons: Assumes Anderson’s motion is a result of the Big Bang. Not sure this theory or assumption holds if he’s just fielding at fine leg.
Quantum Entanglement
Here’s one for the quantum physics buffs. If we can entangle Anderson with particles in a parallel universe where he’s playing his last test match, we might observe temporal fluctuations that can tell us his age.
Pros: This method provides a fascinating intersection of cricket and quantum mechanics.
Cons: We’d need to invent a quantum cricket bat first. Also, parallel universes are notoriously difficult to access without a good GPS.
Fermi Equations
Then there’s the Fermi equation, a favorite among physicists and frustrated cricket statisticians. Basically, Fermi equation method involves multiplying together several back-of-the-envelope-best-estimate factors:
- Number of balls bowled by Anderson in all formats
- Proportion of cricket played by Anderson that’s only Test matches
- Inverse of Anderson’s Test bowling strike rate (i.e. inverse of balls bowled/wicket = wickets/ball)
- Inverse of wickets/Test taken by Anderson
- Inverse of average Tests/year played by England
- Inverse of proportion of England’s Tests played by Anderson
- Inverse of Anderson’s proportion of life spent playing Test cricket
The product of those seven factors gives an estimate of Anderson’s age.
Pros: Breaks down a complex problem into simpler estimates, handy for novices and IPL commentators.
Cons: Significant errors in any factor (e.g., how many balls has he bowled — millions? billions?) can make the final approximation as reliable as predicting the English weather.
Dendrochronology
Perhaps the most foolproof method comes from forestry science. Simply cut Anderson in half and count the rings in his trunk.
Pros: Reveals not only his age but also environmental conditions (e.g., climate variations, insect infestations, George Bailey).
Cons: Only works if Anderson is, in fact, a tree.
Genetic Sequencing
Why not bring modern biotech into the fold? By mapping Anderson’s genome, we can look for age-related biomarkers that could provide a clue. Researchers could analyze telomere length, epigenetic modifications, and other molecular indicators of biological age.
Pros: This method brings in the big guns of modern science.
Cons: It likely requires a sample of Anderson’s DNA, which might be difficult to obtain without an elaborate heist involving cricket balls, bats, helmets, disguises, and a convincing plan to impress Ben Stokes to play a cunning prank.
Astrobiological Signals
An interesting but latest addition to the methods being used to determine Anderson’s age is astrobiology. Researchers are considering the possibility that Anderson is an alien. Using SETI’s radio telescopes, they aim to detect signals from space that might indicate his true age. After all, could any purely human entity bowl with such ageless precision?
Pros: Opens up the possibility of extraterrestrial social media trolls and a potential new market for BCCI to increase its revenue.
Cons: May result in unsettling truths about the origins of cricket and our place in the universe.
The Final Word
According to ESPN Cricinfo, Anderson is officially 41 years old. He will turn 42 on July 30, 20024.
But one thing’s for sure — a cricket scientist’s quest to ascertain Jimmy Anderson’s real age stands at the threshold of resolution, poised to unveil profound insights into the history of cricket and our existential significance within it.
Thank you, Jimmy Anderson. Thank you, science.
