GOP’s answer to gun violence
It’s not even 72 hours since the mass shooting that took away 19 children’s and 2 adults’ lives in Uvalde, TX and the Republican leadership seems to have arrived at a consolidated message already in response to the gun problem that is plaguing the country.
It’s not the usual “Thoughts and Prayers” or “This is not the time to politicize” kind of ambiguous response.
But it is actually a well thought-out solution. One which when implemented will be the perfect closure that the GOP needs.
Announcing the proposal after attending a prayer vigil with the families in Uvalde, Sen. Rafael Edward Crux (R-TX) said:
“This is it. When we take back our majority in both the houses in November, we will be able to get enough votes to pass this new legislation.”
When pressed for details, he added:
“We have an increasing woke adult population in the country. Particulary at schools. Teachers, custodians, and principals refuse to do their jobs of protecting the children when attacked by mad men because they don’t want to carry guns to classrooms. I think the latest attack at Uvalde Elementary School showed that the teacher whose classroom where the gunman was holed up for almost an hour could have easily shot him down had she carried 2 or 3 guns with her. This is unacceptable. We are at a tipping point. We have to stop killing our own children. We believe that the safest thing to do to protect our children’s lives is not to send them to schools at all. Our new legislation will achieve that by eliminating all schools in all states. Our framers didn’t think going to school was a constitutional right. The very concept of schools is not protected by the constitution. Schools are liberal conspiracy traps. So, it’s high time we ban schools. It will be the perfect closure to our ongoing war on education.”
Before the reporters could ask any further questions, Sen. Cruz walked away.
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Disclaimer: This is a satirical post based on fictional news.
